Devil's Trap
by Grey Foxes
Summary: The Hitchhikers Guide to InterUniversal Roadtrips Series: Part One: The Avengers. Cydney and William upset a god. The god is a trickster. Cydney and William are not in Kanas anymore.
1. Chapter 1

You're awake!

"Are you going to...KIDNAP! AMBER ALERT!"

C'mon, I didn't tie the ropes _that _tight.

"Fuck you."

Not without a blood test. Now, I'm going to tell you a story on how you ended up here, you are going to listen, and then we will discuss terms for me letting you go.

"Oh shit."

Geez, you're a pottymouth. Now sit there while I polish my chainsaw and tell you the story.

At least once in your life, you will meet a god.

No, not the big God above that hides away in Heaven, possibly playing skeeball, but gods commonly referred to as pagan. This is why you are always polite to strangers, and why a pair of friends are in the predicament they're in, but we'll get to that in a bit.

What you really need to know, is that Coyote was bored, I was bored, and that Cydney Castellan and William Timmons could outswear a sailor, talk you out of your wallet, car keys and home, and could crocodile cry with the best of them.

So, we were a little mean.

Fine.

We were really mean, but really, the little brats could be more grateful. I mean, who wouldn't want to meet the Winchesters in real life? Or Doctor Who? Batman?

But to be more clear, the first universe they fell in was the Marvel Universe. And to skip all the time they spent pissing off Bruce Banner, General Ross, and AIM, SHIELD, and HYDRA, because that's a waste of breath to retell, we're starting at the point where they're comfortable in the 'verse and Loki was terrorizing Germany.

"The Avengers?"

Oh, you've seen the movie? _And _you want an introduction to the piranhas? No? Great! Now, you'll definitely be getting one if you interrupt me again, so where was I?

"Um,Loki was terrorizing Germany and you decided against murdering me?"

Oh, right!

Now, since both Cydney and William were there for reasons I won't name, they decided to get involved, and that is where the story _really _begins.


	2. Entry One: Tricksters

After Loki demanded for everyone to kneel like villain straight from a fifties cartoon, there was a loud bout of laughter. Loki whirled around to see two teenagers leaning on each other to stay upright, and were cackling like a pair of drunk, high hyenas.

"He said _kneel_, Willsy!" The female of the pair crowed, wheezing from laughter. Her name was Cydney Castellan, and she was tall, skinny and had short blonde hair with dark brown eyes. "Doesn't even do us the courtesy of dropping the soap!" She almost fell over, but William's grip prevented her from doing so.

"O-orgies!" William howled. He was half an inch taller than Cydney with blue eyes and light blonde hair. This week, he had an obsession with the word orgies, and that was all you really needed to know about him. This set Cydney off again, who had been in danger of sobering up. The pair tilted dangerously backwards in their laughter.

Loki snarled and stalked over to them. Cydney looked up, and wiped a tear of laughter off her face. She was smirking. "Hi," she said brightly.

"Do you have no _respect_ for those that are your betters?" Loki demanded dangerously.

"Not really, no," William replied. He waved.

Huh. Loki kinda reminded him of that asshole general he'd forgotten about until just now. William put it out of his mind, vowing to return to the topic in the future.

(Thaddeus Ross shivered for some unknown reason. He shrugged it off and went to adjust the heating, ignoring the feeling of doom sliding down his back)

Loki snarled again in displeasure and moved to touch the closer of the two, Cydney, with the staff. Cydney, never one to do what one expects of her, grabbed it just behind the blade and yanked it out of his hands. She skipped backwards to avoid the knife Loki had drawn from his boot to stab her with. She, now at a slightly safer distance, examined the staff. It was very shiny she noted, and she decided to keep it. The staff pulsed in displeasure, but Cydney ignored it and turned her attention to her partner in crime.

Who looked highly unpleased. "You don't get to do that," he hissed, and drew a glock. Cydney, without looking up from the staff, drew one too. She pointed it at Loki without looking up. The staff was _vibrating_.

"Jet," she said. "SHIELD, not AIM." Cydney slung the staff over one shoulder, still aiming the glock at Loki, "Willsy?"

"We gotta bounce," William said, and reached for her. Cydney extended her semi-free elbow. He grabbed it. They beamed at him.

They vanished with a loud crack as Captain America landed on the ground with a loud thump.

Loki went peacefully. On the inside, he fumed.

How _dare _they? Those insignificant _ants_. They ruined his (not really his, never his) plans! Fools! Now, the Hawk would have to hack into SHIELD's mainframe to track him, but how to convey that without giving himself away? (How dearly he wanted to do exactly that)

He looked over to the silent but watchful soldier, the man out of time. He scoffed silently and flinched as thunder struck overhead. _Thor. _

"What's wrong," the man that surrounded himself in technology sneered, "scared of a little lightning?" He snickered at his own joke.

"I'm not overly fond of what follows," he said dryly.

Thor touched down on the roof of the jet. Loki sighed. The assassin warned the others.

Thor, the unsubtle oaf that he is, ripped a hole through the jet and yanked Loki out.

_Lovely. _

Now, Thor would plead with him to return to the sneers and loneliness of home, where he would forever be shadowed by his younger brother. Where his children…

No.

They had _promised_. They had promised, and if Loki could not count on them, then he was truly alone.

(He wants to be stopped)

(They won't stop him)

_Tricksters_

An overly broad term, but is suitable enough for the Hitchhikers Guide to InterUniverse Roadtrips. We define it as thus:

_Do not offend, do not talk to, and for the love of all, do not tell them that their jokes are cliche. Do not even think it, for they will KNOW._

_Coyote had been banned from Xiggyerous, planet of the best tequila in the universe, because someone told him that his tricks were cliche, and he would do better by taking off his shirt and standing on a street corner. That person now lives in Belgium, and Xerous, the best bar in Xiggyerous was blown up, set on fire and nuked, all at the same time. He then proceeded to commit several capital offenses (outdrinking the mayor, pantsing the prime minister, talking about Belgium in great length (a capital offense in any civilised planet), revealing the king and queen's wiggery, and wearing a horrendous shade of purple)_

_Do you even know how hard it is getting kicked off that bloody planet? _

_Anansi is the one you really need to look out for, because when he's out drinking with aforementioned trickster, he's in the habit of sending unsuspecting denizens of random planets and universes Universe-Hopping (see Universe-Hopping for Dummies) which resulted in this guide. _

_Also, never try to outdrink a trickster, as it never ends well. _

Tricksters find themselves as utterly hilarious, but, in practice, are never actually so. They have been banned outright from the universe Quetionsaleer, and from half the planets in Bottlersarsbugut, which is an outgoing, relaxed sort of universe. Which speaks to how annoying that tricksters actually are, to get banned from any of the planets in that universe.

They are worshipped in every Earth culture, and have a cult in Trickster Planet, the place to definitely go for towels that are bright and vivid in color. Trickster's planet is also the home of the rare breed of Rare Pairing Fangirl, and where the last few Wincestians lurk. We do not speak of the Wincestians.


	3. Entry Two: Asgardians

Okay. You see where I'm going with this? They weren't this confident in the beginning. Here, d'you want to see?

"No, no, please don't."

I have a vat of flesh-eating piranhas lying somewhere around here...

"Please. Tell me more!"

Thank you. Now, where should I start?

Okay. Two days after they land in New York City, lots of miles from their precious Arizona, William Timmons found about his fun, teleporting ability. I'll be honest, kinda.

It scared the hell out of them.

See, the X-Gene, whether people like it or not, is undetectable by today's technology in that universe. In all universes, rather. And guess what? Every single person on every single rock has it. It's _evolution_. And it's activated by moments of extreme stress.

William and Cydney had been cornered by really big men with really sharp knives. They had only the clothes on their back, and a large bright red camping backpack that they had stolen from a street vendor on the first day in the universe. The only thing inside it was a fuzzy blue blanket. Cydney grabbed onto William's arm and they vanished.

Cydney shrieked in surprise as they reappeared outside of a bar in a desert, and William yelped as they vanished again.

"Oh fuck," William yelped as they landed again. Cydney, pale, kept a death grip on his arm.

"Dude," she demanded, "Did you just…" Words apparently failed her.

"Teleport? Appatarate? _Yes_. Do I know how? _Fuck no_." William said blankly. "Dude. The fuck? The _hell_!"

"You couldn't do that yesterday!" Cydney said a little hysterically, "You couldn't do that three hours ago! Or even three minutes ago! Jesus _fuck_!" She sat down heavily and dragged her hands through her hair.

"Cydney?" William asked, a little scared.

She waved it off. "It's not you," she sighed, "I'm just," Cydney ran a hand through her hair for the second time, "You see the news? Tony Stark? Hulk breaks Harlem?" She sounded very close to tears, "This, this isn't- Will, I don't think we're even in our universe anymore."

William sat down next to her, "Cyd. Cydney. Tony Stark? Hulk? Ring a bell, dumbass?"

Cydney's eyes widened. "No."

"_Yes_. Now, you are going to calm down, because I've recently discovered I can teleport, so I blocked out this week and half the next for _my _freak out about my newfound superpower. And then, you and I are going to rob somewhere so we get some cash."

Cydney scrubbed harshly at her face. "I need a gun. A gun and duct tape."

"We can do that," William soothed.

()()()()()()()()()()()

You see? The robbed bank was what got them on the watchlist of the X-Men and the Brotherhood.

Don't worry. Coyote gave Cydney a little extra something too, but we're not there yet. But again, we're getting off course.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()

After Loki and Thor played boo-hoo-hoo, COME HOME BROTHER, FUCK OFF AND DIE IN A FIRE YOU ASSWIPE, and went to play with SHIELD-slash- actually HYDRA, but that comes later, Cydney and William were playing with the staff.

"William, how much money do we have?" Cydney asked, placing the staff on the ground and kicking it. It skidded across the floor and underneath the sofa before finally stopping when it hit the wall.

William opened his wallet, and then opened hers. "I have a hundred, you have sixty. How's your singing skills?"

"Horrible," Cydney said dryly. "My car-repairing skills are similarly horrible, and I'm not whoring you out."

"Why aren't I the pimp?" William wondered out loud.

"Cause I own the fedora, duh." Cydney snickered at threw herself backwards onto the shitty couch. "So I was _thinking._"

"Don't hurt yourself," William responded automatically, and ducked the plastic cup that she chucked at him. It hit the wall and rebounded onto the carpet.

"I was _thinking_," she said again, "that we're on that one movie's timeline now. What was it called?"

"The Avengers," William supplied, "Yeah, I agree. We've already gotten ourselves involved."

Cydney scoffed and said nothing.

William rolled his eyes. "Wanna piss off government agencies and get ourselves put on another watchlist?

She shrugged. "Sure." She smiled. It was frightening and could possibly make a puppy cry. "Why ever not?"

William extended his hand. She took it and they vanished, leaving behind the staff.

It pulsed an ominous blue.

_Entry: Asgardians_

_The bestest partiers in the universe._

_The END_


End file.
